Cheating Wife « Result #1 on Mar 16, 2009, 10:39pm »
Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to Becky, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?"
Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."
"Three? Well, when were they?" he asked.
"Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Then remember how the doctor came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Becky, you should do such a thingfor me, to save my l ife. I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. So, all right then, when was number 3?"
"Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short..?" wow Power Leveling wow Power Leveling
Losing Virginity « Result #2 on Mar 16, 2009, 10:39pm »
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin & I'm not! Is there anything you can do to help me?"
The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress - her hubby "slips it in" and just then she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?"
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."
The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"
Stirring On Mars « Result #4 on Mar 16, 2009, 10:39pm »
The US finally sent the first manned space mission to Mars. The spacecraft gently touched down and the astronaut descended and tested the atmosphere. Low and behold it was safe for people to breathe. He removed his space suit and exited the spacecraft. He was amazed to find himself in a lush green valley surrounded with beautiful wooded hills. He hiked for some distance and came upon a beautiful little white cottage with a lush green lawn surrounded by a white picket fence like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. He walked up to the front door and found it open. He walked inside, looked around and hearing noises from the kitchen, he went back there. WOW, to his amazement he saw the most beautiful blonde he had ever seen standing over a large pot on the stove. Inside the pot was a gooey mess that she was stirring with a large spoon. As he watched she kept stirring and stirring.
After a couple hours he finally asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was having a baby. He was quite skeptical but after a couple more hours of stirring she reached down into the gooey mess and pulled out a beautiful baby girl. He told her that was really amazing but that was not the way it was done on Earth.
She asked, "How do you do it on Earth?"
With a twinkle in his eyes he said come on back to the bedroom and I'll show you. After an hour of the wildest sex he had ever experienced he lay back exhausted and lit up a cigarette.
A Short Holiday « Result #5 on Mar 16, 2009, 10:31pm »
Alan worked in an office in the city. He worked very hard and really looked forward to his holidays.
¡¡¡¡He usually went to the seaside, but one year he saw an ad in a newspaper "Enjoy country life. Spend a few weeks at Willow Farm. Good food, fresh air, horse riding, walking, fishing. Reasonable prices ."
¡¡¡¡" This sounds like a good idea." he thought, " I' 11 spend a month at Willow Farm. I'll enjoy horse riding, walking and fishing. They'll make a change from sitting by the seaside.
¡¡¡¡Four days later he returned home.
¡¡¡¡"What' s wrong with Willow Farm ?" his friend asked him. " Didn't you enjoy country life ?"
¡¡¡¡"Country life was fine," Alan said." But there was another problem.
¡¡¡¡"Oh, what?"
¡¡¡¡Well, the first day I was there a sheep died, and we had roast lamb for dinner.
¡¡¡¡“Fresh meat is the best.”_"I know, but on the second day a cow died, and we had roast beef for dinner. "
¡¡¡¡"Lucky you!"
¡¡¡¡"You don't understand," Alan said." On the third day a pig died and we had roast pork for dinner."
¡¡¡¡" A different roast every day." Jack exclaimed.
¡¡¡¡"Let me finish," Alan said." On the fourth day the farmer died and I didn't dare stay for dinner!"
My Lucky Day « Result #6 on Mar 16, 2009, 10:31pm »
tell me what you saw that was so bad tell me all the reasons why you made me so sad i wish that i was like you and i'm sorry that i'm not at least i still have hope i guess that's all i've got [chorus]: i know you must be happy thrilled that i'm not there yet i know that i will make it make it good for me out here and soon i will be smiling everything will be okay i'll not worry anymore that will be my lucky day i wish that you'd seen something special 'bout me too that you would think of something else not just the way i look to you i don't see what you see how different can i be and why does it really matter i'm just being me [chorus]: i know you must be happy thrilled that i'm not there yet i know that i will make it make it good for me out here and soon i will be smiling everything will be okay i'll not worry anymore that will be my lucky day i don't see what you see how different can i be and why does it really matter i'm just being me
A Christmas Fancy « Result #7 on Mar 16, 2009, 10:31pm »
Early on Christmas Day, Love, as awake I lay, And heard the Christmas bells ring sweet and clearly, My heart stole through the gloom Into your silent room, And whispered to your heart, `I love you dearly.' There, in the dark profound, Your heart was sleeping sound, And dreaming some fair dream of summer weather. At my heart's word it woke, And, ere the morning broke, They sang a Christmas carol both together. Glory to God on high! Stars of the morning sky, Sing as ye sang upon the first creation, When all the Sons of God Shouted for joy abroad, And earth was laid upon a sure foundation. Glory to God again! Peace and goodwill to men, And kindly feeling all the wide world over, Where friends with joy and mirth Meet round the Christmas hearth, Or dreams of home the solitary rover. Glory to God! True hearts, Lo, now the dark departs, And morning on the snow-clad hills grows grey. Oh, may love's dawning light Kindled from loveless night, Shine more and more unto the perfect day! by Robert Fuller Murray
The Girl of My Dream « Result #8 on Mar 16, 2009, 10:31pm »
The girl of my dream Have blue sparkling eyes When I look into em, I feel like I'm drowning inside Her fair skins are smooth like milk, When she soothes lotions all over em, It tingles me inside Her hairs are soft as silk, When I brush my hands through them I recognize the fragrance of a Love Spell. A spell so strong, a love so quick, A heart was taken, a gift was sent, An angel from heaven came down to me, On the first day of December, Filling my Christmas with love and joy Her every movement so elegant, Her every blush so heartening, Her smiles, her smirks, Like lava of a volcano, Melts me down so thoroughly from the inside Her voice resounds through my body Like a lullaby, she sings me to sleep The girl of my dream Samantha Sue Coop Escudero You are so beautiful
Class Reunion « Result #9 on Mar 2, 2009, 1:09am »
I was minding my own business a few weeks ago when I got ¡°the call¡± -- that dreaded, shrill ringing of my telephone bearing news just short of a death in the family. It was a former high school classmate asking my assistance in our 20-year class reunion.
Could it be 20 years already? I shuddered. Cold chills went up and down my spine as tiny beads of sweat popped out on my forehead. What had I done with my life the past 20 years? My mother told me I¡¯d have to deal with this some day,wow power leveling but I had laughed it off, just like I laughed off those embarrassing pink plastic curlers she used to wear in her hair. (I picked up a set at a garage sale just last week. Got a great deal on them, too!)
It¡¯s amazing how a brief phone call can totally turn one¡¯s life upside down. Suddenly, I began hearing those 1970s songs (now known as ¡°oldies¡±) in a different arrangement, realizing that Mick Jagger was over 50, ¡°Smoke on the Water¡± never did make any sense at all, and my ¡°Seasons in the Sun¡± had literally faded into oblivion. Had the sun set on me already?
I glanced in the mirror.wow power leveling (Okay, I stared in the damned mirror.) I examined every tiny little crevice and pore, starting with my hairline, down past those patronizing ¡°smile lines¡± to the base of my neck. No double chin yet, I thought.
The next few weeks were pure hell. Each day began with a grueling training program -- a 6:30 a.m. run in a futile attempt to bounce off that unsightly baggage that had somehow accumulated on my thighs overnight. I went shopping for the perfect dress -- you know, the one that would make me look 20 years younger. I found out that they stopped selling them around 1975. Three dresses later, I came to my senses.wow power leveling There was only one logical explanation: I was having a mid-life crisis.
I realized that the funny, crunching noise I heard each night as I climbed the stairs was really my knees. I had seriously considered adding potty training to my resume as one of my greatest accomplishments. Bran flakes had become a part of my daily routine -- and not because they were my favorite cereal.wow gold I held Tupperware parties just so I could count how many friends I had.
Life just hadn¡¯t turned out the way I¡¯d planned. Sure, I was happy. I had a wonderful husband and two great kids in the center of my life. But somehow, working part-time as a secretary and mom hardly fit my definition of someone my classmates had voted as wow gold¡°most likely to succeed.¡± Had I really wasted 20 years?
Just about the time I was ready to throw in the towel and my invitation, my seven-year old tapped me on the shoulder. ¡°I love you, Mom. Give me a kiss.¡±
You know, wow gold I¡¯m actually looking forward to the next 20 years.
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